Aug 25th

I'm still changing out my dressings and the woundvac may come back on Friday. I get to skip Wed. this week so we will see how it goes. I'm not too worried. I believe it will all be fine.

I've had some wonderful blessings since the last post and I am overwhelmed with excitement. I did have some obstacles but that didn't last long. I faced a fear and then received a couple of blessings that answered a few questions and doubts I had for myself. Life after cancer. whew...where do I go from here? So many things are clear for me now. What do you do?

A couple of weeks ago it was weighing heavy on me to say out loud, "I'm not afraid to die". To tell the people closest to me. For days I thought, "how would I begin this conversation?" It's not a sad topic for me. I thought of it every day and wanted to say it, but never had the courage to do it. Now I know this isn't something that everyone thinks about everyday but this was something I was really needing to do for me. I needed to say it. And I never did.

Last weekend at work I was taking a break between shifts. Since my calves were so sore from the previous weeks hike I decided to put my shorts on and dangle my legs in the hot tub. So I am in the pool area, by myself, dangling my sore calves in the massaging water, and reading inspiration. Two young middle school boys came in and instead of getting in the pool they came to the hot tub. I kept reading and then they began asking me questions about me. I thought how strange there is a big pool they could be swimming in. So I put my book down and answered their questions...even about my hair and I had had cancer. One boy asked if it hurt and I said sometimes and he wanted to know how. So I told him and he said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Then the other boy asked, "Where you afraid to die?" I know you can not possibly imagine how I felt at that moment. I really wanted to burst into tears with happiness. And then I got to finally say out loud, "No, I am not afraid to die". And then he asked me why? And then I got to tell why. Then they left. And you know... they never did get in the pool =).

Well, I was so overwhelmed I went back to my room and called Tara and of course I was crying and she couldn't understand me. She said, "what happened at the pool?" "why would they say that?" "they asked you what?". I look back now and I think poor Tara. Her momma calls her crying and all she can hear is I just got back from the pool area and boys were asking me about dying.
I smile now. But note to self- never call your daughter when you are having a joy cry and when you do not have composure.

Like I said. This was something I wanted to share that happened to me and was important for me.

Love and prayers to all.