It's almost Oscar time.
I am a movie buff. And I love to watch the Oscars. I always thought Billy Crystal was the best host but Ellen has done very well too. I have entertained the thought of having an Oscar party before, but I guess I am selfish at some point, because I like silence when the nominees are announced, then the winner, then the acceptance speech. To be honest I like to be able to hear everything. I am the person that gasps if I don't agree with the winner or gleams when I agree or I have even cried with the winner if they cry. Silly isn't it. I guess I'm silly like that. I like my popcorn and coke just like when I go to the movies. I even watch the Barbara Walters special and the pre-show on the red carpet.
So if any of you like the Oscars as I do, it is Feb.22nd and you are welcome to join me for popcorn and coke. I am usually by myself. We might even have some appetizers. =) We will talk and have fun.
Go Meryl, Sean, Heath, and Amy!
1/30/09 #2 of 8 Chemo Treatments
Then I wait to see the Oncolgist. They weigh me and do all of the routine checks. Then he consults before my bags of medicine are ordered.
My throat had hurt all week but no fever so I got to receive chemo. He prescribed an antibiotic for my tonsillitis. Becuase of my previous migraines and nausea he adjusted my pre-med bag to boost my system and added an extra pre-bag of emend nausea medicine. Then I received the two bags of chemo. So I had 4 things.
My white blood cells were holding at good numbers due to the daily shots of neupogen, the week after my first chemo, so next week I only need to get 4 instead of 5.
I asked him about my mood swings, hot flashes, sporadic pulse, and blood pressure spikes. I told him sometimes I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin.
He said that chemo has great affects on your hormones and it could even onset menopause or commonly known as chemo-pause. After chemo, they will put me on hormone therapy but for now I wing it. This explained a lot for me.
Today is Saturday and I have mild head pressure but not painful enough for meds and the nausea is very slight. I think I had correct dosages this time. We'll see how I do tomorrow.
Thanks for everything.
Love to all.
Go Light Your World
The kids and I have numerous songs that remind us of special times. I have a special song for each kid that they know is their song. The other day Daniel sang to me "his" song when I was feeling sick after the first chemo. It is Sunshine you are my sunshine. Then last week he laid his head on my shoulder in the car and sang Lean on me. Tara began singing this at 3 and passed it on to the boys.
Another memory song is I will be here and I played it continuously in the car when Tara and Nick were young. I went to see Steven Curtis Chapman at Van Meter at WKU and this was just one of my favorites. Tara and Grant had this as one of their wedding songs.
Tara remembers them all.
Daniel(the baby-he'll be 14 in May) still loves the hugs, sweetness, and touch and loves discussing any memory.
Nick(he'll be 18 in Feb) picked up mostly on my love for country. Hank Williams Sr. and Jr., Garth, etc...ha
I never knew how much my music would affect my children. They really have become nostalgic and traditional. The other night Tara and I spent at least 30 minutes searching the net for Mother Goose christian songs she had when she was little.
Anyways, I suggest all parents get this song for their vehicles and play it for your kids.
The seven dwarfs....and replace the words with..."I owe, I owe, so off to work I go". And make work seem fun...ha. Hidden story there. It's kinda like a joke for one of my kids.
Love to all
Another shower scene. (Hair loss)
Is it time to shop for a wig? maybe....maybe not.
I like the pink....ha
Ok, I have very thick hair and shed a lot. Even though, I normally clean the shower drain once after a shower. Today....I had to remove hair twice during the shower so the water would drain and then a third time, after I was done. Today was "chemo day #2" and he said I would probably begin to see a lot more hair loss.
After my first Friday chemo, I didn't go back to work until the following Wed. for four hours and then I worked straight until the next Wed. I am scheduled to go back to work on Tuesday next week. If I feel good on Monday I am planning to get a short hair cut.
I am curious if I will lose all my hair or just some of my hair. I do like hats. I can't wait to lose the leg hair...ha. I think I am most worried about losing the eyebrow hair. Can you buy fake eye brows? =)
Love to all
My Playlist
1. Just because I realize how small I am in this world but that I am His and that is the most important thing in my life.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
2. I've always loved the movie The Color Purple. Oprah had it made into a Broadway musical. She chose Fantasia to be Celle the main character in the play. Here is a description of the character, which Oprah had played in the movie.
"Celle is the kind of hero we all have a chance to be whatever happens to us in this life. She bears her own suffering with grace, and reaches out to others to provide fo their needs and spare them harm. Our love for Celle grows as she makes her way through a perilous journey, as she prays without ceasing for some assurance that God sees her."
She is abused but knows there are some things that no one can take from you.
Fantasia sang this live on Oprah's show and it was an unforgettable performance. Also, here is the link to you tube to see the performance on Oprah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9CIUMc0YSg&feature=related
3. From the movie Fireproof and I loved it.
4. Well, I can only imagine. The kids and I have loved this song for years.
5. "raise your hands and bow your head". I love the part "I find more and more truth in the words written in red". It also reminds me of...To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. You never know when your actions touch a life.
6. "I met Gods Will on a halloween night, he was dressed as a bag of leaves" Wow..God works in many ways through young and old.
[Chorus:]
I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'
Lost and lookin' all my life
I've been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I've wrestled wrong and right
He was a boy without a father
And his mother's miracle
I've been readin', writin', prayin', fightin'
I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was until
I knew God's Will
7. Amazing.
chorus:
he never promised that the cross would not get heavy
and the hill would not be hard to climb
he never offered our victories without fighting
but he said help would always come in time
just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
and the adversary says give in
just hold on, our lord will show up
and he will take you through the fire again
8. Obvious
It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin
And they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
9. I love Alison Krauss and I think it is a peaceful song.
15. So sad. This is the remake Elton John did for Princess Diana.
Did you know Mother Theresa died the day before Diana's funeral?
And Princess Grace of Monaco died 15 yrs years earlier.
I love anything and everything about Grace Kelly.
Especially the movie Rear Window.
16. Has been a favorite of mine for years.
The remaining songs I just really, really like.
That's all for now...this was different wasn't it?
1/23/09 Whew!!! What a week.
Daniel's platelet counts are up to 124,000...woohoo!
Bev went to a movement disorder specialist last week at Vandy and he thinks she has three types of distonia. In her eyes, face, and neck. He wanted to give her botox that day. Of course, she said no. Every doctor has a different diagnosis. I pray and hope that she will have a diagnosis and treatment plan to begin healing. She is so much stronger than me. I love my Sis so much and it is difficult to see her like this and knowing there is no "plan" YET for recovering. I wish I could do more.
1/21/09 Chemo Headaches
I would really like to have one night of good sleep.
This has been tougher than expected but I think of others such as my Sis, Kaydence Morris, James Bow, and Flo Devasher. Let's keep them on our prayer lists.
Inspiration is all around us.
1/18/09 - Hangin' in there
My nausea has subsided but I literally feel like I have been run over by a truck. I've taken advil but my shoulders, sides, neck, and legs are aching. Kinda like the flu. And I am zapped of all energy and find it difficult to get comfortable. My headache is gone though. I am thinking I might need to take four days off for a chemo treatment instead of three. But I will see how I am feeling tomorrow.
I'm hanging in there and I just have to grin and bear it for a while. It will all be over in a few months....ha
Love to all
1/17/09 My Instructions
Definition -
What is Neupogen (filgrastim)?: Neupogen (filgrastim) is a drug given to patients who have neutropenia (low neutrophil count). An injection of Neupogen stimulates white blood cell production. It is a clear liquid that is usually given as a shot (injection). Use For Breast Cancer: Chemotherapy for breast cancer affects all the rapidly dividing cells in your body, including bone marrow cells, which produce white and red blood cells and platelets. Fewer bone marrow cells means less blood cells. If your CBC shows that your neutrophil count is low, you may be neutropenic. Injections of Neupogen can boost production of your neutrophils, a special type of white blood cell that helps your body fight infection.
I need to-
- Stay away from Walmart or public places as such
- Not get a fever - call Doc immediately is over 100.5
- Do not get sick or I can't get my chemo
- Wash hands frequently and use sanitizing hand gel often
- Eat six smaller meals instead of 3 large
- Due to mouth sores possible to develop - stay away from high acidity, carbonation drinks, etc. Regular tea mixed with Green tea is good.
- Drink lots of clear liquids to help flush the chemo
- Flush twice for two days after chemo because of the toxins
- Wear a mask if needed to keep germs away
- Stay away from greasy foods and eat healthier but get the calories in
- and an entire list of "watch fors"
The Doc. called in a prescription for two nauseous pills for me to my pharmacy and both cost $178.00. I am taking some nauseous pills I already had at home that are less dosage to see how I do first.
I am a little nauseous, the headaches are worse and I just feel tired and queezy. Just small bursts of energy here and there.
Our grandbaby has a Dr. Appt because she has a cold or something but I hope to see her tomorrow and I will wear a mask if needed. Also, on her next monthly shots she is injected with a virus and they have been told to keep away from anyone taking chemo for a few weeks. This will bother me more than anything.
I think I covered everything. Oh, and I watched Amadeus and Ghandi again this weekend. Of course, I fall asleep and have to watch them in segments. Ha
Have a blessed day!
1/16/09 GO - First Chemo
I woke up with terrible pain in my left shoulder and upper arm and I took 3 Advil. I could not wait to see my surgeon at 8:30 to ask about the pain.
8:30 - Surgeons office - Medical Arts Bldg at the Med. Center
He suspected the pain described was due to the needle left in on Tuesday when I got my port. Probably, muscle spasms and it would go away when removed after my chemo. He drained off 6 tubes of fluid from the node removal area.
The remaining day was spent at Graves Gilbert Clinic
9:20 - Lab Work
I went to the treatment room to have blood drawn for testing to see if my blood count was good for chemo.
11:00 - Oncologist (Chemo Doc)
I was consulted and checked for everything- weight, blood pressure, illness, mouth, port site, any new physical pains, etc. He ordered a Echocardiogram before I begin chemo.
11:15 - Echocardiogram
The purpose of this test is to see how well my heart pumps blood, and to determine if my valves are functioning properly. Melvin had to help me undress waist up because of my shoulder pain. They attached ECG wires at various places on my chest. He asked me to lie on my left side, to obtain pictures of my heart using a special probe and ultrasonic gel. It hurt because of my pain on that side. It took approximately 45 minutes. Melvin helped me dress and cried a little from the pain.
12:00 - Oncology office
I went straight to a nurse and asked for any pain medication. She gave me two extra strength Tylenol and I sat in the treatment room relaxing and waiting for pain relief. The nurses said they were waiting on approval from the doc to give me chemo. The Echocardiogram results were on his desk. After feeling better, and since I hadn't eaten all day, I went to the waiting room and asked Melvin to go ahead and get something to eat to bring me something to eat, because I was just waiting.
I made a new friend.
I went back the treatment room which is a room full of reclining chairs, windows, a couple of wall mounted tv's, snacks, drinks, etc. Also, there were several nurses and four or five other patients receiving chemo. When I returned a nurse said the lady asked me to give you the tv remote. She was three recliners down from me. I looked her and thanked her. We talked for a while. Her name is Flo DeVasher and my mom's maiden name is DeVasher. She is from Russellville and attends First Baptist Church. She has been battling Leukemia. Her husband is a distant cousin of my Uncle Wallace DeVasher that had the car lot on Columbia Ave. Her husband passed a couple of years back and her son has brought her to all of her treatments. She is approx. 75-80. She has added me to her prayer list and I told her that I would pass her name on to my support group. So please add Flo Devasher to your prayer list. She mentioned once how she had asked God to answer a prayer and he didn't. But come to find out later he answered in a different way and things worked out for the better. She laughed and said he knows best.
What a lovely lady and how she blessed me by uplifting me on a day I needed it most.
Melvin returned and we ate in the waiting room. Then the nurse came and said they were ready for me. Mom and Wayne had stopped by so I hugged all and went back to the treatment room.
1:30 - Chemo
First, I had a bag of premeds(for nauseousness, steroids for the fatigue, and another) it was a mix of medicines that took about 30 minutes to drip.
Second, I had my first chemo nicknamed the "red devil".
Definition:
Adriamycin (Doxorubicin): Adriamycin is a chemotherapy drug, a type of anthracycline antibiotic that is an anti-tumor drug. It is made from the bacterium Streptomyces. Use For Breast Cancer: Adriamycin can be used to treat early-stage or node-postive breast cancer, HER2-positive breast cancer, and metastatic disease. Adriamycin is sometimes combined with cytoxan and/or 5-flouracil to make a cocktail of breast-cancer fighting chemotherapy drugs.
It was bright red and manually slowly squeezed from a syringe into my port by a nurse. She pulled out a little blood frquently and mixed it with the blood.
It took about 30 minutes.
Third, I had my second chemo Cytoxan.
Definition:
Cytoxan is a chemotherapy drug that is used in combination with other drugs to treat cancer. It is derived from mustard gas, and is an anti-tumor drug. Cytoxan is often combined with two other drugs, Adriamycin and 5-Fluorouracil, in a chemotherapy infusion to treat breast cancer. This combination is called AC, FAC or CAF.
It took about an hour.
I had my needle removed from my port and immediately felt better.
I left for home about 3:00.
I'll email later about all of my instructions for the next couple of months.
Bev sees a new doctor next week and I will email about that also. Daniel is doing fine. And I am a little nauseous but have headaches.
Remember Flo and love to all.
1/15/09 The Landrums Blog
Tara had a good post today. I always enjoy reading their blog.
Her post today reminded me of an old quote. Which I have always loved.
You can check out their blog at...
http://www.landrum08.blogspot.com
Oh, and Grant is speaking at church on Sunday and I am looking forward to that. I hope I am not too nauseous to go.
1/14/09 Daniel and his ITP
Daniel has ITP and last week his blood platelet count dropped again. He was getting tiny red spots on his ankles again. His test came back at 10,000(a normal count is about 150,000 to 450,000) then last Friday it was 14,000 and today it is 79,000. This is the third time it has dropped. The second time it dropped to 8,000. The first was the worst at 1,000 and he was rushed to Kosairs in the ambulance and he had to receive a treatment which causes painful reactions. His pediatric hematologist said the reactions will worsen with each additional treatment. So we always wait and pray that his numbers increase. When his numbers are low he can do no physical activity for fear he will bleed internally. In other words, he is bleeding internally because his blood will not clot. He can not brush his teeth as normal when it is very low. Nose bleeding and gum bleeding are major concerns. We hope and pray it goes remission forever. I would give anything to take this condition from him.
What Is Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura?
Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP) is a bleeding condition in which the blood doesn’t clot as it should. This is due to a low number of blood cells called platelets (PLATE-lets).
Platelets are also called thrombocytes (THROM-bo-sites), and they’re made in your bone marrow (along with other kinds of blood cells). Platelets circulate through the blood vessels and help stop bleeding by sticking together (clotting) to seal small cuts or breaks.
Idiopathic (id-ee-o-PATH-ick) means that the cause of the disease or condition isn’t known. Thrombocytopenic (throm-bo-cy-toe-PEE-nick) means there is a lower-than-normal number of platelets in the blood. Purpura (PURR-purr-ah) are purple bruises caused by bleeding under the skin. More extensive bleeding can create a three-dimensional mass called a hematoma (he-ma-TO-ma).
1/13/09 Get Set - Got Port
Me and Dad arrived at the Medical Center at 11:30.
I got in my gown, had a warm blanket, and then SHE came to do my IV. Last time, she didn't ask and this time she did. She said they had a "pilot" they were testing and it was something about putting I think saline in before they introduced the drip or something. She said some people have a little discomfort. Then I remembered last time my arm hurt extremely bad and I complained numerous times and I can usually take the pain. I hurt for days later. But since she asked this time and I knew what she was going to do.... I said NO. I said that I wanted the "regular" and that I will not be used for the testing.
Then I read a few pages in my book and Dad came in to sit with me until it was time. I was first on my Doc's list today and when the nurse was checking my previous incision he arrived. I said, "yeah that Dr. Daniels did that to me" and being the funny man that he is, he replies with, "we need to do something about him". He confirmed that I should have no blood pressure taken on my right arm or anything for that matter because I had nodes removed from my pit area and they have not healed. That's why I get fluid build up. So they brought in a big red piece of paper which stated that fact and taped it to my bed. He prayed with me and then he and Dad left.
Anesthesiology came at 1:00 and I was happy to get Stacey again. She is hilarious. I've never heard anyone talk so fast. I answered no, no, no, no, no. She gave me my drugs and I told her and Jennifer(my nurse for surgery) to not take me to the basement and to tell Dr. Daniels I had drawn a bulls eye where he was suppose operate. Then I was out. Later, they said they did tell him and he had a laugh.
I woke up at 3:00(which was longer than expected) and my nurse said I had awakened once and said, "keep that redheaded nurse away from me. After my first surgery I asked her if I needed an arm sling and she told me I wasn't crippled." They asked if it was true and I said yes. They said they had been trying to figure out which red head and I politely in detail explained the red head's features.=)
Okay, my husband was present when the red head made her statement and he can testify to this. As the red head walked away I uncontrollably lifted a specific finger. Remember.... I was drug induced and this was in December.
This is a new year and I WAS taking precautions against the threat because I now "walk therein".
I wanted to get out of there and eat. And I was sore and just simply grumpy. She gave me a prescription for Loritabs(which I will not get filled), she called for Dad to come back, and then we left. We stopped to eat and I took advil and came home.
I'm sore, I have taken more advil, I'm cranky, I hate this mound of gauze on my chest and itty bitty tube dangling, I fried me three chicken wings, I watched American Idol(I like Deanna and the sight impaired guy), I'm typing this and I'm going to bed and watch Amadeus(again). And I go back to work Thursday 3-11.
I'm blessed.
I'm SET.
1/12/09 Get Ready
Well, I love my job again. (Long Story)
I've been working a lot and reacquainting myself to my position and a few changes within the hotel. I really do like it.
I am reading a great book that Tara gave me to read. It is the first in a series of 13. It is titled Redemption. And I really like it. I think I need to get my eyes checked too. =) The book references scriptures and I have enjoyed that too. One scripture that I had never heard before is remember the height from which you have fallen(Rev2:5). Wow, to me that's a live and learn statement. I highly recommend this book. Thanks Tara.
Tomorrow I get my port"installed" in my chest wall for my chemo treatments.
I'm READY.
It will be outpatient surgery since I will be sedated. I told everyone it's nothing major so no need to come. I told Melvin he could work and that Dad has offered to take me.
I guess I will broadcast my blog now.
01/09/09 Work - PreOp - Deflation
I worked until 1:30. Then I went to the Medical Center to do my pre-op and I fell asleep reading in the waiting room. Then I went to my surgeons office.
It is difficult to work and sleep or do anything when you have fluid build up as I do. I was miserable until my surgeon took care of me today. He used the large syringes again and after numbing me he filled over 9 syringes. Last time I had 7 1/4. Until I heal where the nodes were removed I will have this build up. I always feel great after deflation.
And then I drove home.
1/03/09
Tara, Grant, and Ellie are coming out later and we are going to play Scene It. I can't wait because it will be uplifting and fun. Of course, my grandgirl will make anyone smile.
1/02/09 Grant blogged!
*The Landrum's*
1/01/2009 - I Resolve
- To be a better christian
- To quit smoking
- To show my love more
- To read God's word everyday
Thanks to everyone.
I know that I should have Him in my daily walk of this life I have been given. So I am going to make that commitment.
Today, the first day of 2009 I found and learned the following. Which I think is the perfect scripture to begin my new year with.
"Stand in the ways and see,
And ask for the old paths,
Wherein is the good way,
And walk therein"
(Jer 6:16)
Stand still and consider. Consider not only the choice of ways ahead, but also, importantly, look back at the way by which you have come.
There are many changes in the world and many new paths recommended by the world, and the world confuses change with progress.There is ancient, timeless, wisdom which cannot be improved upon. It shall always be the best path to follow.
It is not enough to "see" the good way. It's not enough even to recognize that it is good. You have to actually enter into that way and "walk therein". We have to follow that way and make it our way of life.
So this year I will especially remember "walk therein". And especially at work.