88 Soapbox

Oct. 22nd Whew!

2009-10-22T17:22:00.002-05:00

And before you know it...it's Oct. Another surgery has passed and work has been crazy. This is our busiest time of year.

Well, we are trying one last thing before I need to have another surgery and I really hope it works. I see another doctor tomorrow about the new plan and I will post more about it later if my insurance approves it and they think it is a possibility.

I am enjoying this time of year as Fall is my favorite time of year. The foliage is beautiful. I didn't get to have my hiking and camping vacation week and I was very disappointed but they(work) needed me. I am hoping I can reschedule it before it gets too cold.

I can't tell you enough how blessed I feel. And the family is great.

Bev is still battling with her issues. The staph infection in her eye oil glands has blocked her pores again and the FL surgeon said he will probe and unblock them again for free, if she goes back soon. I hope she can. He would like for her to come back for a month but finding a way for that to happen is the problem. I wish I could take her. Another issue is she has a lot of stuff going on at work. I really worry about her. Please keep her in your prayers.

I had a fabulous birthday with the family. Thanks to everyone for the special dinner.

Love and prayers,
Teressa

Aug 30th

2009-08-30T07:59:00.002-05:00

Well..I got the woundvac back. Woohoo! I was wanting to crawl around in cave this week and I am still trying to figure out how to do that. =)

I love Fall. It is my favorite time of year. I'm ready for some outdoor activities. I had my bike serviced and it is ready to be picked up. I'm so excited. I've been walking and hiking to get ready for a big bike ride. And some long hikes with overnite camping.

It's a beautiful day!

Love and prayers

Aug 25th

2009-08-25T08:24:00.002-05:00

I'm still changing out my dressings and the woundvac may come back on Friday. I get to skip Wed. this week so we will see how it goes. I'm not too worried. I believe it will all be fine.

I've had some wonderful blessings since the last post and I am overwhelmed with excitement. I did have some obstacles but that didn't last long. I faced a fear and then received a couple of blessings that answered a few questions and doubts I had for myself. Life after cancer. whew...where do I go from here? So many things are clear for me now. What do you do?

A couple of weeks ago it was weighing heavy on me to say out loud, "I'm not afraid to die". To tell the people closest to me. For days I thought, "how would I begin this conversation?" It's not a sad topic for me. I thought of it every day and wanted to say it, but never had the courage to do it. Now I know this isn't something that everyone thinks about everyday but this was something I was really needing to do for me. I needed to say it. And I never did.

Last weekend at work I was taking a break between shifts. Since my calves were so sore from the previous weeks hike I decided to put my shorts on and dangle my legs in the hot tub. So I am in the pool area, by myself, dangling my sore calves in the massaging water, and reading inspiration. Two young middle school boys came in and instead of getting in the pool they came to the hot tub. I kept reading and then they began asking me questions about me. I thought how strange there is a big pool they could be swimming in. So I put my book down and answered their questions...even about my hair and I had had cancer. One boy asked if it hurt and I said sometimes and he wanted to know how. So I told him and he said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Then the other boy asked, "Where you afraid to die?" I know you can not possibly imagine how I felt at that moment. I really wanted to burst into tears with happiness. And then I got to finally say out loud, "No, I am not afraid to die". And then he asked me why? And then I got to tell why. Then they left. And you know... they never did get in the pool =).

Well, I was so overwhelmed I went back to my room and called Tara and of course I was crying and she couldn't understand me. She said, "what happened at the pool?" "why would they say that?" "they asked you what?". I look back now and I think poor Tara. Her momma calls her crying and all she can hear is I just got back from the pool area and boys were asking me about dying.
I smile now. But note to self- never call your daughter when you are having a joy cry and when you do not have composure.

Like I said. This was something I wanted to share that happened to me and was important for me.

Love and prayers to all.

Aug 16th

2009-08-16T21:14:00.002-05:00

I had a wonderful week. I had an check-up with my oncologist week and he said I was doing great and since I was seeing so many doctors, I didn't need to see him again until Nov. Still doing great and my surgery "wound" is healing on one side and a bit slow on another so a month is still the plan for the wound vac. I can't tell you enough how blessed I am to have what I have in my life. I thank God every day.

Love and prayers

Aug 10th

2009-08-10T08:44:00.002-05:00

What a month.
Tara planned a finale' party for me when I ended radiation. It was a happy day and I had a wonderful time. I've been back to work and all was well. I only had one doctor visit a week. Then I got the staph infection that put me back in the hospital for a week. Now I have a "purse"(woundvac) that I carry and probably will for a month. I need to go three days a week to the hospital for dressing changes. It's OK.
I have been blessed again and the power of prayer has worked again.
Thanks for the prayers, calls, and visits.

I go back to work today however I need to go to the hospital first.

Love and prayers back at ya'

A few months ago I resolved to be better giver. I had in mind a couple of ways I wanted to do this. I never did anything....just thought about it, dreamed about it. My life returned to the get up, go to work, go home, pay bills. I feel I have been given a second chance to keep my word. Since I have been home from the hospital two opportunities have fallen in my lap. I'm telling all that I'm going to give and pay it forward. I'm excited!

July 13th

2009-07-13T08:36:00.010-05:00

Saturday morning I took Daniel fishing to a couple of places and we had a lot of fun. He is "the fisherman". Then I got to keep Ellie and spend the night with her while Mommy and Daddy had the night out. Melvin and the boys came over also and we had pizza and played. Dad came over the next morning and she got to play with her Great grandaddy.

The time with her is precious. She is so sweet and funny. I love it when she holds her toes while you feed her or puts her feet up on the tray. I love it when she holds my hand while she sits in my lap. It is a treasured moment. I tried taking our pix together but she kept tickling me with her toes and we never succeeded. She is so much fun. She rode many miles on her caterpillar and zebra.

Nick got a job in BG and had his first day yesterday at the Family Christian Book Store. And he begins band camp this week.

Amber stopped by yesterday to show me her free jewelry she received from having her jewelry party here a couple of Saturdays ago. She really did good.

This is my last week of radiation. Thursday is my last day. I do have some irritated skin but nothing I can't handle. I have some cream for the dry areas and cornstarch for the moist areas.

I can't begin to explain how happy I am this week. Thursday can not come fast enough. Just to have some normalcy and not rushing to work and doctors every day.

I am blessed...Love to all,
Teressa

June 20th

2009-06-20T21:47:00.008-05:00

I just finished my third week of radiation. My skin is a little red and I have been some tired but I am doing great. I'm still working full time and will continue to do so. I did lose my second fingernail and I didn't know if I mentioned it. The boys and I saw a movie today and we had a great time. I saw Ellie last night and she crawling so well. She is an angel. I love her little faces she makes now to get a laugh. Everything about her is amazing. I love being a grandma. I think she likes me best without a wig. I think I do too.
I'm ready to do something....canoeing, camping, spelunking, horseback riding, biking,...just something. I got an itch.

Love to all

June 8th

2009-06-08T06:51:00.004-05:00

The family is doing great. Summer is here and Nick left yesterday to go with the band to Florida. Daniel is enjoying fishing. Tara, Grant and Ellie stopped by yesterday for a visit and Ellie is truly amazing. What a sweetie.

I just completed my first week of radiation. Also, my surgeon is draining fluid off my surgery site twice a week so my radiation will be more accurate. I am on tamoxifen for hormone therapy to block the estrogen.
They decided to do radiation on the site and above... since it was in my lymph nodes and they travel up. It doesn't take long and I shouldn't experience any skin problems until later...if any.
I did take a couple of naps this week. But I am working full time and I have been training someone all week.
My hair is growing more and I believe it is coming in gray and white...ha Imagine that. I will also be shaving my legs for the first time in a long time this week. I have put it off just because I never liked it before. My head sweats a lot because the wig is like a cap and the weather is warmer. As soon as I get in the car...it comes off.
My eyebrows and lashes are almost gone. And I lost my first fingernail yesterday. I am expecting to lose many more as they are dead and hanging on by a 1/4 inch of new growth.

It is well with my soul and I am feeling great. What an experience.
8 months and going.
Love and prayers to all

Tuesday, May 26th

2009-05-27T05:28:00.002-05:00

I am still working and doing fine. My hair is beginning to grow again. woohoo!
I received a call today that my radiation will begin Monday.

Another holiday has passed, Ellie Grace is growing up fast(8mths old), the boys have finished another year of school, and I am still taking measures to battle this cancer.

I am blessed and have many things to be thankful for.
Love to all,
Teressa

Monday, May 11th

2009-05-11T12:47:00.009-05:00

Today is Daniel's 14th birthday!
Nick's prom was Saturday. We got to watch Ellie Saturday night. And Tara celebrated her first Mothers Day.
We had a busy and great weekend that ended with dinner at Mom's last night. I attached a picture of the boys.

It was nice after I finished my first full week back to work. That was a little difficult for me. Today I am off because I was to see to doctors. First, to get fluid drained off my surgery site and then to get a scan and my markings for radiation. Well, my surgeon will not be back until tomorrow so they changed my scan and everything else until tomorrow. You see I am very swollen and full of fluid so they can not get accurate markings and get me set up until I get drained. =(
Now I need to call work and be off some tomorrow. This is not good since I just came back. Oh well, all I can do is all I can do.

I attached some pix from the weekend.
Love and prayers to all.

Monday, April 27th

2009-04-27T06:58:00.002-05:00

Friday was my last chemo. I am very thankful and pray I do not have to do that again. The bone and joint pain began last evening so I am moving slow for a few days. Again, my feet, fingers, and toes are sore to touch and tender to use.
Tara had me flowers in the car when I left my last chemo. It was a special day just having her there with me.
Thankfully, I will get no more steroids. I have no stamina at all. I tire and get out of breath easily. As soon as this aching stops I hope to walk some and get some energy back. The last six months have been enough. I know my radiation begins soon and I hope it doesn't make me too tired as well.
Thanks for everything.
Love and prayers to all.

April 16th

2009-04-16T10:25:00.003-05:00

I found a great quote today -
It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.

And this poem -

Count on God

Count On God --unknown author

Count your blessings instead of your crosses

Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes.

Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears.

Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth.

Count on God instead of yourself
___________________________________
Amanda, thanks for your comment. You are a dear and we all love you.
____________________________________
Tonight I am driving my sis to Lexington. Tasha is going with us to a doc appt for Bev tomorrow.
Grant is preaching tonight and I will miss it but I have a chance to hear him Sat. night and/or Sun.
Tonight and Sat. are at 7 and Sun. at 6 at Trinity.
I am officially scheduled to go back to work May 1st. In May I begin radiation.
I have my last chemo next Friday. woohoo!

Gotta go!
Love and prayers to all,
Teressa

April 15th

2009-04-15T08:37:00.005-05:00

I had chemo last Friday and Tara took me since she was on spring break. My stepdad Wayne came again to see me while I was there. I did fall asleep again because of the benedryl in the premeds and the alcohol in the taxol. My nails(fingers and toes) have gotten these red places and they are very tender. It's difficult to open things. They said that some nails may fall off. I have one more chemo to go so I am hoping they don't. I have about a 1/4 inch of hair. And I am feeling the joint and bone pains which begin sunday night after my chemo. This chemo keeps me up all night on Friday. Saturday night Ellie came out and she helped Daniel and my nephews color eggs. I went to church with Tara & Grant on Sunday. I really enjoyed the weekend before my pains set in on Sunday night. It's wednesday now and I still have some shooting pains. Hot baths help too and of course I alternate pain medicines. Also, the bottoms of my feet are very sore and peeling. Oh, and the steroids I have learned is causing my constant hunger...I have been eating a lot. Dad is taking me again today for my neupogen shot. I enjoy this time with him.

I have my appt. set for the 20th to discuss radiation with my next doc. It will be for 30 days Mon-Fri. I am still on leave from work and I will know when I return after I speak with him.

Haven't my boys really grown? Nick is 18 and Daniel will be 14 in May.

Love and prayers to all.

April 6th

2009-04-06T22:36:00.005-05:00

This Friday I will be having #7 of 8 chemos. I know I haven't written on my blog for a while and I don't really know why. I did take a leave from work and it has relieved some tension I had. I was trying to be positive, trying to be a good manager, trying to be a good family member and friend, and then I think I just decided to take a break and relax. "Knowing" how sick you are going to be every other week and then having a new side affect or infection added after each additional treatment was troublesome. I just needed a break from cancer and I guess that included my blog as well.
I have spent some time reflecting on this "detour" in my life. I have really missed my sister. I know she is as tired as I am of having to deal with our illnesses. But we will get through it.
My Dad has been taking me to get all of my shots every other week and we have had some great talks.
I am blessed with all of my family and friends. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, emails, cards, etc. It has got me through some tough times.
Ellie Grace has been ill with RSV and this is the second week I can't be near her. I don't like this at all, but we know I can't risk it right now. I do speak to her via telephone and Tara says she smiles. I did drive to their house and talk to her through the glass storm door(twice). I had bought her some bunny ears and Tara took her picture this weekend. She's precious. Here is another pix that Grant's dad had taken. I love it too.
Love to all

Monday, March 16th

2009-03-16T15:19:00.002-05:00

I had a pretty good weekend after Friday's new chemo drug and I will email about that later. The side effects of this drug is joint and bone pain. I woke up with it this morning. It's all in my torso and legs. It's like aching all over and sporadic sharp pains shooting throughout. I don't know how long it lasts in between treatments. At least I do not have all of the nausea anymore and I am very thankful for that. Dad took me to get my neupogen shot today and I go tomorrow for another and to see my surgeon for fluid drainage.
Bev's botox is still wearing off and she is having some difficult times with her neck pain. Please continue to pray for her.
Love to all

March 12th

2009-03-12T22:28:00.003-05:00

I am getting ready for another Friday the 13th. I know I haven't posted in a while but the chemo side effects have been taking their toll on me. After #4 I had more fatigue and stomach issues. A week ago I was to return to work. I have decided to take a leave for a couple of months and focus on wellness. The stomach pain, abdomen pain, fatigue,..everything was getting worse. Late last Saturday night I began vomiting and it was unending. Apparently I burst a blood vessel in my stomach and that was the reason for the blood. The hospital gave me fluids, medicine for the nausea, leviquin for the UT infection, and a GI cocktail for my throat sores and stomach pain. My immune system is very low. I was in the ER only and got home Sunday about 10am. I slept the rest of the day. Ever since, my torso has felt extremely sore from the heaving, I have only eaten popsicles, jello, or mashed food because of my throat. My stomach continues to hurt after I eat anything.
Tomorrow I go for chemo #5 of 8. The first four were two different chemo medicines. These last four are of 1 chemo medicine (taxol). Thes treatments are four hours long. I hope my numbers are good enough to get the treatment tomorrow because I want this over as soon as possible.
Love to all,

Feb. 13th, Friday Chemo #3 of 8

2009-02-15T08:41:00.002-06:00

I had my blood drawn for testing. Then I had my doc visit.
And then I had to confess to my doc about not getting all of my neupogen shots to boost my white blood cells. The week after chemo I have to take them. After my second chemo he prescribed only four because my numbers were good. I told the doc I only made it to 2 of 4. He looked at me surprised and asked why. I told him I had worked 56 hours and it was difficult for me to leave work. And that I was feeling good. He wasn't happy and said that I would probably not be receiving chemo because my numbers would be low and that I needed to stay on schedule. He left the room to check on my bloodwork. Melvin looked at me and said I was in trouble. The doc came back and said that my numbers were Olympic! So...I only need two shots next week and he said I could pick the days. Whew! He prescribed some Pepcid for me to take daily because the toxins have taken their toll on my stomach.
The first four chemo's are the most difficult to take and now I have one more. The next set of four are a different type of chemo.

Now it is Sunday and I have experienced some nausea and of course I sleep a lot. I have been eating better and the Pepcid has helped. I may try to go to work sooner this time.

Thanks for the prayers and emails.
Love to all.

The week after the New Doo

2009-02-14T08:20:00.015-06:00

I worked the next day(Thursday) after purchasing my new doo and worked until Monday. Tuesday I rested all day. And Wednesday I went to Tara and Grants to babysit Ellie and I had a great day.
When I heard her waking up I went to get her and she was all smiles. She recognized me even with my new hair. She smiled and played all day. Of course, she had some naps. I fed her, we played on the floor and everywhere. Pa even came by for lunch. Ellie and I hid from mommy and daddy when we heard them pull in from work. When she heard them calling for us she kept quiet and was just looking in their direction with a straight face. When her mommy found us first she said, "there they are" and Ellie giggled and smiled. It was hilarious.
Tara shaved off what spikes of hair I had remaining on my head. It was a special moment. Of course we laughed and said we never imagined we would have a moment as this. I did look like a monster with my few spikes of hair. I enjoyed scaring my family with my monster hair. I would take my wig off and hide around corners and jump out and yell, "BOO!". They said it wasn't funny but I would just laugh. I wish I had taken a picture of my monster hair.

I am posting a few pictures from ice storm and flooding, with Ellie, and misc.
The creek is below our house, the other water pix is on our property. The tree pix are taken on the parkway. Then Nick in his truck. Daniel is ready to play outside with his air soft guns. Ellie playing with Pa. And later when I caught Ellie playing with her feet. And the Grand Finali with me and my bald head.
Love to all

2/4/09 My new doo.

2009-02-04T18:47:00.003-06:00

Peggy(my sister-in-law) and I went to BG this afternoon to shop for my new wig. She took a half day off to help me. I was glad to have her there. We picked one that would be great for work and looked good for everyday with a cap. It looks natural. And I got a soft, snug, cap to put on at bedtime to keep my head warm.

I still have some nausea but I am now ready to go back to work tomorrow. Oh, I stopped by to see Bev when I got back in town and she thought I had my hair done. She had not seen me with my hair loss.
Love to all.

Tues. - Fatigue and nausea again.

2009-02-03T10:52:00.003-06:00

It's Tuesday and I have been sick since my last post on Sunday. All I do is sleep, sip something, and take bathroom breaks to flush the toxins. Melvin's mom brought me broth and Peggy brought me sherbert and a couple of caps and scarves. I have a little more energy today and I am going for one of my neupogen shots this afternoon to boost my white blood cells. I wrap my head up because of the hair I am dropping everywhere. I have cut it up to my ears but today I guess it will be shaved.

I have learned that I really, really, need to watch what I eat from now on. Tasha and Daniel gave me a book on nutrition and cancer fighting foods and I read some of it yesterday. Last night I baked some salmon(which I would have normally fried in EVO) with no seasonings and boiled some brown rice. I ate some and it did not upset my system. I saved a portion for tonight.

I'm getting through it....slowly but surely. I guess it all means the chemo is working!

My hair is dead.

2009-02-01T07:19:00.003-06:00

2 days after 2nd chemo-7am
I am sitting here in my gown and I can feel my falling out and trickling down my arms. I feel it happening when I walk. I woke up this morning with a handful on my pillow. I lost a handful yesterday. I stood in front of the mirror and pulled on about ten strands and I didn't really pull. They just come off my head. This is amazing how quickly it happened. The doc was right. He said after the second treatment.

Do I really need to get a short cut tomorrow? Or just shave it all and it get it over with?

My hair is so flat to my head. It doesn't even feel like my hair. I know if I brush it now it will come out in hunks. I am not vain about my hair. I am not worried. I am amazed at how quickly it happened. I need to get me knit hat TODAY! And a scarf for work. I don't know about a wig yet.
(Question of the day) - Do I take control of the hair loss and just get rid of it?
I need to call my Sis.

It's almost Oscar time.

2009-01-31T14:33:00.006-06:00

I am a movie buff. And I love to watch the Oscars. I always thought Billy Crystal was the best host but Ellen has done very well too. I have entertained the thought of having an Oscar party before, but I guess I am selfish at some point, because I like silence when the nominees are announced, then the winner, then the acceptance speech. To be honest I like to be able to hear everything. I am the person that gasps if I don't agree with the winner or gleams when I agree or I have even cried with the winner if they cry. Silly isn't it. I guess I'm silly like that. I like my popcorn and coke just like when I go to the movies. I even watch the Barbara Walters special and the pre-show on the red carpet.

So if any of you like the Oscars as I do, it is Feb.22nd and you are welcome to join me for popcorn and coke. I am usually by myself. We might even have some appetizers. =) We will talk and have fun.

Go Meryl, Sean, Heath, and Amy!

1/30/09 #2 of 8 Chemo Treatments

2009-01-31T13:09:00.002-06:00

First, I have blood work done to test my blood cells.
Then I wait to see the Oncolgist. They weigh me and do all of the routine checks. Then he consults before my bags of medicine are ordered.

My throat had hurt all week but no fever so I got to receive chemo. He prescribed an antibiotic for my tonsillitis. Becuase of my previous migraines and nausea he adjusted my pre-med bag to boost my system and added an extra pre-bag of emend nausea medicine. Then I received the two bags of chemo. So I had 4 things.
My white blood cells were holding at good numbers due to the daily shots of neupogen, the week after my first chemo, so next week I only need to get 4 instead of 5.

I asked him about my mood swings, hot flashes, sporadic pulse, and blood pressure spikes. I told him sometimes I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin.
He said that chemo has great affects on your hormones and it could even onset menopause or commonly known as chemo-pause. After chemo, they will put me on hormone therapy but for now I wing it. This explained a lot for me.

Today is Saturday and I have mild head pressure but not painful enough for meds and the nausea is very slight. I think I had correct dosages this time. We'll see how I do tomorrow.
Thanks for everything.
Love to all.

Go Light Your World

2009-01-31T03:01:00.006-06:00

Tara reminded me that I did not have "Go light your world" on my playlist so I added it just now.

The kids and I have numerous songs that remind us of special times. I have a special song for each kid that they know is their song. The other day Daniel sang to me "his" song when I was feeling sick after the first chemo. It is Sunshine you are my sunshine. Then last week he laid his head on my shoulder in the car and sang Lean on me. Tara began singing this at 3 and passed it on to the boys.
Another memory song is I will be here and I played it continuously in the car when Tara and Nick were young. I went to see Steven Curtis Chapman at Van Meter at WKU and this was just one of my favorites. Tara and Grant had this as one of their wedding songs.

Tara remembers them all.
Daniel(the baby-he'll be 14 in May) still loves the hugs, sweetness, and touch and loves discussing any memory.
Nick(he'll be 18 in Feb) picked up mostly on my love for country. Hank Williams Sr. and Jr., Garth, etc...ha

I never knew how much my music would affect my children. They really have become nostalgic and traditional. The other night Tara and I spent at least 30 minutes searching the net for Mother Goose christian songs she had when she was little.

Anyways, I suggest all parents get this song for their vehicles and play it for your kids.
The seven dwarfs....and replace the words with..."I owe, I owe, so off to work I go". And make work seem fun...ha. Hidden story there. It's kinda like a joke for one of my kids.

Love to all

Another shower scene. (Hair loss)

2009-01-31T02:13:00.006-06:00

Is it time to shop for a wig? maybe....maybe not.
I like the pink....ha
Ok, I have very thick hair and shed a lot. Even though, I normally clean the shower drain once after a shower. Today....I had to remove hair twice during the shower so the water would drain and then a third time, after I was done. Today was "chemo day #2" and he said I would probably begin to see a lot more hair loss.
After my first Friday chemo, I didn't go back to work until the following Wed. for four hours and then I worked straight until the next Wed. I am scheduled to go back to work on Tuesday next week. If I feel good on Monday I am planning to get a short hair cut.
I am curious if I will lose all my hair or just some of my hair. I do like hats. I can't wait to lose the leg hair...ha. I think I am most worried about losing the eyebrow hair. Can you buy fake eye brows? =)
Love to all

New pictures of the Grand-girl Miss Ellie Grace

2009-01-31T01:22:00.003-06:00

My Playlist

2009-01-29T22:15:00.004-06:00

I thought I would share with you why I like some of these songs.
1. Just because I realize how small I am in this world but that I am His and that is the most important thing in my life.
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.
2. I've always loved the movie The Color Purple. Oprah had it made into a Broadway musical. She chose Fantasia to be Celle the main character in the play. Here is a description of the character, which Oprah had played in the movie.
"Celle is the kind of hero we all have a chance to be whatever happens to us in this life. She bears her own suffering with grace, and reaches out to others to provide fo their needs and spare them harm. Our love for Celle grows as she makes her way through a perilous journey, as she prays without ceasing for some assurance that God sees her."
She is abused but knows there are some things that no one can take from you.
Fantasia sang this live on Oprah's show and it was an unforgettable performance. Also, here is the link to you tube to see the performance on Oprah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9CIUMc0YSg&feature=related
3. From the movie Fireproof and I loved it.
4. Well, I can only imagine. The kids and I have loved this song for years.
5. "raise your hands and bow your head". I love the part "I find more and more truth in the words written in red". It also reminds me of...To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. You never know when your actions touch a life.
6. "I met Gods Will on a halloween night, he was dressed as a bag of leaves" Wow..God works in many ways through young and old.
[Chorus:]
I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'
Lost and lookin' all my life
I've been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I've wrestled wrong and right
He was a boy without a father
And his mother's miracle
I've been readin', writin', prayin', fightin'
I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was until
I knew God's Will
7. Amazing.
chorus:
he never promised that the cross would not get heavy
and the hill would not be hard to climb
he never offered our victories without fighting
but he said help would always come in time
just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
and the adversary says give in
just hold on, our lord will show up
and he will take you through the fire again
8. Obvious

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin
And they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
9. I love Alison Krauss and I think it is a peaceful song.
15. So sad. This is the remake Elton John did for Princess Diana.
Did you know Mother Theresa died the day before Diana's funeral?
And Princess Grace of Monaco died 15 yrs years earlier.
I love anything and everything about Grace Kelly.
Especially the movie Rear Window.
16. Has been a favorite of mine for years.
The remaining songs I just really, really like.

That's all for now...this was different wasn't it?

1/23/09 Whew!!! What a week.

2009-01-23T23:19:00.004-06:00

I received my last Neupogen shot for the week and I don't get them again until the week after my next chemo. The next chemo is a week from today. I am feeling great today. So..... for one week I am going to write on anything other than the big "C". whew

Daniel's platelet counts are up to 124,000...woohoo!

Bev went to a movement disorder specialist last week at Vandy and he thinks she has three types of distonia. In her eyes, face, and neck. He wanted to give her botox that day. Of course, she said no. Every doctor has a different diagnosis. I pray and hope that she will have a diagnosis and treatment plan to begin healing. She is so much stronger than me. I love my Sis so much and it is difficult to see her like this and knowing there is no "plan" YET for recovering. I wish I could do more.

1/21/09 Chemo Headaches

2009-01-21T07:09:00.002-06:00

Sun. night and Mon. night I could not sleep well because of the pain and discomfort everywhere. I woke up Mon. and Tues. with horrible headaches and nausea. I made it to BG in the afternoons for my shots but not to work. Yesterday the Doc said he would adjust my chemo treatment next time because of the headaches but the body pain is not uncommon. He gave me a prescription for Hydrocodone with Tylenol for last night. I took it when I got home and another before I went to bed. It was a milder dosage and I could take up to two at a time if needed. Well, the nausea finally won and it happened a couple of times last night. At 2am I took a nausea pill with a cracker and slept until 5 this am and I awoke with another headache. I was advised not to take Advil but I decided to at 6:30 because I need some relief. It's almost 7:30 and my headache is like a small throb. I need to go to work today and I told them I would be coming in later. I need to make sure my nausea is gone and attempt some breakfast because I am "queezy". I must hold it down and go to work.
I would really like to have one night of good sleep.
This has been tougher than expected but I think of others such as my Sis, Kaydence Morris, James Bow, and Flo Devasher. Let's keep them on our prayer lists.
Inspiration is all around us.

1/18/09 - Hangin' in there

2009-01-18T19:43:00.002-06:00

Tara, Grant, and Ellie came to visit. She is growing so fast and trying to talk. Grandpa held her most of the time and she slept in his arms for a bit. And we watched the video of Grant speaking at church today. I am so proud of him.

My nausea has subsided but I literally feel like I have been run over by a truck. I've taken advil but my shoulders, sides, neck, and legs are aching. Kinda like the flu. And I am zapped of all energy and find it difficult to get comfortable. My headache is gone though. I am thinking I might need to take four days off for a chemo treatment instead of three. But I will see how I am feeling tomorrow.

I'm hanging in there and I just have to grin and bear it for a while. It will all be over in a few months....ha

Love to all

1/17/09 My Instructions

2009-01-17T19:01:00.003-06:00

First, I have learned I will be receiving daily injections the week after chemo. They can not give me shots at the time I receive chemo. They are given to boost my white blood cells to fight infections. Next week I stop by the treatment room anytime from 8-4 and I go 1/19 through 1/23. I receive the shots in the back of my arm in the fatty area. Ha, that will be hard to find on me =).

Definition -
What is Neupogen (filgrastim)?: Neupogen (filgrastim) is a drug given to patients who have neutropenia (low neutrophil count). An injection of Neupogen stimulates white blood cell production. It is a clear liquid that is usually given as a shot (injection). Use For Breast Cancer: Chemotherapy for breast cancer affects all the rapidly dividing cells in your body, including bone marrow cells, which produce white and red blood cells and platelets. Fewer bone marrow cells means less blood cells. If your CBC shows that your neutrophil count is low, you may be neutropenic. Injections of Neupogen can boost production of your neutrophils, a special type of white blood cell that helps your body fight infection.

I need to-

Stay away from Walmart or public places as such
Not get a fever - call Doc immediately is over 100.5
Do not get sick or I can't get my chemo
Wash hands frequently and use sanitizing hand gel often
Eat six smaller meals instead of 3 large
Due to mouth sores possible to develop - stay away from high acidity, carbonation drinks, etc. Regular tea mixed with Green tea is good.
Drink lots of clear liquids to help flush the chemo
Flush twice for two days after chemo because of the toxins
Wear a mask if needed to keep germs away
Stay away from greasy foods and eat healthier but get the calories in
and an entire list of "watch fors"

Some of this will be difficult since I work at the Front Desk of a hotel.

The Doc. called in a prescription for two nauseous pills for me to my pharmacy and both cost $178.00. I am taking some nauseous pills I already had at home that are less dosage to see how I do first.

I am a little nauseous, the headaches are worse and I just feel tired and queezy. Just small bursts of energy here and there.

Our grandbaby has a Dr. Appt because she has a cold or something but I hope to see her tomorrow and I will wear a mask if needed. Also, on her next monthly shots she is injected with a virus and they have been told to keep away from anyone taking chemo for a few weeks. This will bother me more than anything.

I think I covered everything. Oh, and I watched Amadeus and Ghandi again this weekend. Of course, I fall asleep and have to watch them in segments. Ha

Have a blessed day!

1/16/09 GO - First Chemo

2009-01-17T10:48:00.006-06:00

January 16th - What a day.
I woke up with terrible pain in my left shoulder and upper arm and I took 3 Advil. I could not wait to see my surgeon at 8:30 to ask about the pain.

8:30 - Surgeons office - Medical Arts Bldg at the Med. Center

He suspected the pain described was due to the needle left in on Tuesday when I got my port. Probably, muscle spasms and it would go away when removed after my chemo. He drained off 6 tubes of fluid from the node removal area.

The remaining day was spent at Graves Gilbert Clinic

9:20 - Lab Work

I went to the treatment room to have blood drawn for testing to see if my blood count was good for chemo.

11:00 - Oncologist (Chemo Doc)

I was consulted and checked for everything- weight, blood pressure, illness, mouth, port site, any new physical pains, etc. He ordered a Echocardiogram before I begin chemo.

11:15 - Echocardiogram

The purpose of this test is to see how well my heart pumps blood, and to determine if my valves are functioning properly. Melvin had to help me undress waist up because of my shoulder pain. They attached ECG wires at various places on my chest. He asked me to lie on my left side, to obtain pictures of my heart using a special probe and ultrasonic gel. It hurt because of my pain on that side. It took approximately 45 minutes. Melvin helped me dress and cried a little from the pain.

12:00 - Oncology office

I went straight to a nurse and asked for any pain medication. She gave me two extra strength Tylenol and I sat in the treatment room relaxing and waiting for pain relief. The nurses said they were waiting on approval from the doc to give me chemo. The Echocardiogram results were on his desk. After feeling better, and since I hadn't eaten all day, I went to the waiting room and asked Melvin to go ahead and get something to eat to bring me something to eat, because I was just waiting.

I made a new friend.
I went back the treatment room which is a room full of reclining chairs, windows, a couple of wall mounted tv's, snacks, drinks, etc. Also, there were several nurses and four or five other patients receiving chemo. When I returned a nurse said the lady asked me to give you the tv remote. She was three recliners down from me. I looked her and thanked her. We talked for a while. Her name is Flo DeVasher and my mom's maiden name is DeVasher. She is from Russellville and attends First Baptist Church. She has been battling Leukemia. Her husband is a distant cousin of my Uncle Wallace DeVasher that had the car lot on Columbia Ave. Her husband passed a couple of years back and her son has brought her to all of her treatments. She is approx. 75-80. She has added me to her prayer list and I told her that I would pass her name on to my support group. So please add Flo Devasher to your prayer list. She mentioned once how she had asked God to answer a prayer and he didn't. But come to find out later he answered in a different way and things worked out for the better. She laughed and said he knows best.
What a lovely lady and how she blessed me by uplifting me on a day I needed it most.

Melvin returned and we ate in the waiting room. Then the nurse came and said they were ready for me. Mom and Wayne had stopped by so I hugged all and went back to the treatment room.

1:30 - Chemo

First, I had a bag of premeds(for nauseousness, steroids for the fatigue, and another) it was a mix of medicines that took about 30 minutes to drip.

Second, I had my first chemo nicknamed the "red devil".
Definition:
Adriamycin (Doxorubicin): Adriamycin is a chemotherapy drug, a type of anthracycline antibiotic that is an anti-tumor drug. It is made from the bacterium Streptomyces. Use For Breast Cancer: Adriamycin can be used to treat early-stage or node-postive breast cancer, HER2-positive breast cancer, and metastatic disease. Adriamycin is sometimes combined with cytoxan and/or 5-flouracil to make a cocktail of breast-cancer fighting chemotherapy drugs.
It was bright red and manually slowly squeezed from a syringe into my port by a nurse. She pulled out a little blood frquently and mixed it with the blood.
It took about 30 minutes.

Third, I had my second chemo Cytoxan.
Definition:
Cytoxan is a chemotherapy drug that is used in combination with other drugs to treat cancer. It is derived from mustard gas, and is an anti-tumor drug. Cytoxan is often combined with two other drugs, Adriamycin and 5-Fluorouracil, in a chemotherapy infusion to treat breast cancer. This combination is called AC, FAC or CAF.
It took about an hour.

I had my needle removed from my port and immediately felt better.

I left for home about 3:00.

I'll email later about all of my instructions for the next couple of months.
Bev sees a new doctor next week and I will email about that also. Daniel is doing fine. And I am a little nauseous but have headaches.
Remember Flo and love to all.

1/15/09 The Landrums Blog

2009-01-16T00:35:00.003-06:00

I had to work tonight 3-11 and just got home and I took more Advil. I have been extremely sore tonight. I had Motrin when I got work then Extra Strength Tylenol at 7pm and now Advil. I almost took a Hydrocodone but didn't. This port in my chest is painful. I think I dislike it more than the drainage tube.

Tara had a good post today. I always enjoy reading their blog.
Her post today reminded me of an old quote. Which I have always loved.

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world.

Anonymous

You can check out their blog at...
http://www.landrum08.blogspot.com

Oh, and Grant is speaking at church on Sunday and I am looking forward to that. I hope I am not too nauseous to go.

1/14/09 Daniel and his ITP

2009-01-14T14:32:00.004-06:00

Daniel has ITP and last week his blood platelet count dropped again. He was getting tiny red spots on his ankles again. His test came back at 10,000(a normal count is about 150,000 to 450,000) then last Friday it was 14,000 and today it is 79,000. This is the third time it has dropped. The second time it dropped to 8,000. The first was the worst at 1,000 and he was rushed to Kosairs in the ambulance and he had to receive a treatment which causes painful reactions. His pediatric hematologist said the reactions will worsen with each additional treatment. So we always wait and pray that his numbers increase. When his numbers are low he can do no physical activity for fear he will bleed internally. In other words, he is bleeding internally because his blood will not clot. He can not brush his teeth as normal when it is very low. Nose bleeding and gum bleeding are major concerns. We hope and pray it goes remission forever. I would give anything to take this condition from him.

What Is Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura?

Idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP) is a bleeding condition in which the blood doesn’t clot as it should. This is due to a low number of blood cells called platelets (PLATE-lets).

Platelets are also called thrombocytes (THROM-bo-sites), and they’re made in your bone marrow (along with other kinds of blood cells). Platelets circulate through the blood vessels and help stop bleeding by sticking together (clotting) to seal small cuts or breaks.

Idiopathic (id-ee-o-PATH-ick) means that the cause of the disease or condition isn’t known. Thrombocytopenic (throm-bo-cy-toe-PEE-nick) means there is a lower-than-normal number of platelets in the blood. Purpura (PURR-purr-ah) are purple bruises caused by bleeding under the skin. More extensive bleeding can create a three-dimensional mass called a hematoma (he-ma-TO-ma).

1/13/09 Get Set - Got Port

2009-01-13T20:39:00.005-06:00

A port or "port-a-cath" is a surgically implanted device and is inserted in your upper chest wall (the space between your collarbone and your breast) -It is designed to save your arm veins from being burned from the inside out by chemotherapy. With a port the medication goes right into the main blood supply entering the heart, so it can be sent quickly and efficiently to all parts of the body.

Me and Dad arrived at the Medical Center at 11:30.
I got in my gown, had a warm blanket, and then SHE came to do my IV. Last time, she didn't ask and this time she did. She said they had a "pilot" they were testing and it was something about putting I think saline in before they introduced the drip or something. She said some people have a little discomfort. Then I remembered last time my arm hurt extremely bad and I complained numerous times and I can usually take the pain. I hurt for days later. But since she asked this time and I knew what she was going to do.... I said NO. I said that I wanted the "regular" and that I will not be used for the testing.

Then I read a few pages in my book and Dad came in to sit with me until it was time. I was first on my Doc's list today and when the nurse was checking my previous incision he arrived. I said, "yeah that Dr. Daniels did that to me" and being the funny man that he is, he replies with, "we need to do something about him". He confirmed that I should have no blood pressure taken on my right arm or anything for that matter because I had nodes removed from my pit area and they have not healed. That's why I get fluid build up. So they brought in a big red piece of paper which stated that fact and taped it to my bed. He prayed with me and then he and Dad left.

Anesthesiology came at 1:00 and I was happy to get Stacey again. She is hilarious. I've never heard anyone talk so fast. I answered no, no, no, no, no. She gave me my drugs and I told her and Jennifer(my nurse for surgery) to not take me to the basement and to tell Dr. Daniels I had drawn a bulls eye where he was suppose operate. Then I was out. Later, they said they did tell him and he had a laugh.

I woke up at 3:00(which was longer than expected) and my nurse said I had awakened once and said, "keep that redheaded nurse away from me. After my first surgery I asked her if I needed an arm sling and she told me I wasn't crippled." They asked if it was true and I said yes. They said they had been trying to figure out which red head and I politely in detail explained the red head's features.=)

Okay, my husband was present when the red head made her statement and he can testify to this. As the red head walked away I uncontrollably lifted a specific finger. Remember.... I was drug induced and this was in December.
This is a new year and I WAS taking precautions against the threat because I now "walk therein".

I wanted to get out of there and eat. And I was sore and just simply grumpy. She gave me a prescription for Loritabs(which I will not get filled), she called for Dad to come back, and then we left. We stopped to eat and I took advil and came home.

I'm sore, I have taken more advil, I'm cranky, I hate this mound of gauze on my chest and itty bitty tube dangling, I fried me three chicken wings, I watched American Idol(I like Deanna and the sight impaired guy), I'm typing this and I'm going to bed and watch Amadeus(again). And I go back to work Thursday 3-11.

I'm blessed.
I'm SET.

1/12/09 Get Ready

2009-01-13T00:04:00.004-06:00

Well, I love my job again. (Long Story)
I've been working a lot and reacquainting myself to my position and a few changes within the hotel. I really do like it.
I am reading a great book that Tara gave me to read. It is the first in a series of 13. It is titled Redemption. And I really like it. I think I need to get my eyes checked too. =) The book references scriptures and I have enjoyed that too. One scripture that I had never heard before is remember the height from which you have fallen(Rev2:5). Wow, to me that's a live and learn statement. I highly recommend this book. Thanks Tara.
Tomorrow I get my port"installed" in my chest wall for my chemo treatments.
I'm READY.
It will be outpatient surgery since I will be sedated. I told everyone it's nothing major so no need to come. I told Melvin he could work and that Dad has offered to take me.
I guess I will broadcast my blog now.

01/09/09 Work - PreOp - Deflation

2009-01-09T00:45:00.001-06:00

I worked until 1:30. Then I went to the Medical Center to do my pre-op and I fell asleep reading in the waiting room. Then I went to my surgeons office.
It is difficult to work and sleep or do anything when you have fluid build up as I do. I was miserable until my surgeon took care of me today. He used the large syringes again and after numbing me he filled over 9 syringes. Last time I had 7 1/4. Until I heal where the nodes were removed I will have this build up. I always feel great after deflation.
And then I drove home.

1/03/09

2009-01-03T17:28:00.008-06:00

Today I'm thinking of everything. It's actually the month of January and my chemo begins in 13 days. I know I will be in a different mood(I think) during this time. I'm also thinking of work and I think I am going to lose my job. I guess because of the economy. And my fluid is building up again so I need to be deflated again next week. My tonsils are a little sore. And I'm tired. I was in a good mood up until my 2nd day of work.

Tara, Grant, and Ellie are coming out later and we are going to play Scene It. I can't wait because it will be uplifting and fun. Of course, my grandgirl will make anyone smile.

1/02/09 Grant blogged!

2009-01-02T22:04:00.003-06:00

Early this morning before work, I read The Landrums blog(Tara's) and was delighted to find a post from Grant. I hope he blogs more often. I attached it below.

*The Landrum's*

1/01/2009 - I Resolve

2009-01-01T18:56:00.005-06:00

I Resolve:

To be a better christian
To quit smoking
To show my love more
To read God's word everyday

I have researched some scriptures during my "down time" and I have learned a lot. Family and friends have given me daily journals, books, etc. with scriptures and it has helped me cope with what I have been going through.
Thanks to everyone.

I know that I should have Him in my daily walk of this life I have been given. So I am going to make that commitment.

Today, the first day of 2009 I found and learned the following. Which I think is the perfect scripture to begin my new year with.

"Stand in the ways and see,
And ask for the old paths,
Wherein is the good way,
And walk therein"
(Jer 6:16)

Stand still and consider. Consider not only the choice of ways ahead, but also, importantly, look back at the way by which you have come.

There are many changes in the world and many new paths recommended by the world, and the world confuses change with progress.There is ancient, timeless, wisdom which cannot be improved upon. It shall always be the best path to follow.

It is not enough to "see" the good way. It's not enough even to recognize that it is good. You have to actually enter into that way and "walk therein". We have to follow that way and make it our way of life.

So this year I will especially remember "walk therein". And especially at work.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-01T18:27:00.005-06:00

New year and back to work again. Remember what I said yesterday about work? Well, remember it and I will not discuss today.

And then Baby had done some bad things in the house today...arggg

Happy New Year

12/31/08 Back to Work

2008-12-31T20:56:00.003-06:00

I went back to work today and worked 8 hours. I am so glad to be working again. It really felt good to be back at work. I have to admit....I think I am a nicer person to work with than when I left. I've had a lot happen since Nov. 17th.
I have changed for the better. I've turned a new leaf. Hmmm, what could it be.
I'm going through "THIS" and my blood pressure is better than it has been in a while. I'm happier, and nicer, and I've grown these pretty duck feathers on my back.
I should be a basket case.
I am so blessed and happy.

Resolution thoughts 12/31 8:20pm

2008-12-31T20:20:00.006-06:00

My mind is all over the place.
I need to commit.
Melvin is sleeping and the boys are gone.
I have a few cigarettes left.
Can I do it?
I should do it.
I have many reasons to do it.

12/29/08 Non-scheduled Doc appt.

2008-12-30T09:35:00.005-06:00

Over the weekend I had a lot of swelling and was a little worried. I thought I am going back to work next week and now I have something else to deal with. Just when I was feeling better. As Tara and I entered the parking lot of the Med. Center she reminded me that.....'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans'. And then we laughed.
Anyhoo, Doc numbed the area and I had 7 1/4 large syringes of fluid drawn from me. When he was done my arm could lay against my side. It felt so much better.
I also got my note for work that I was physically able to work again. I asked her to leave out the fact I had a libotomy too. ha
I go back next week for another check-up and deflating. My first day back to work is the 31st.

12/30/08 Pondering

2008-12-30T09:16:00.005-06:00

I never had a new year resolution I kept throughout the year. I ponder what I want to accomplish. It scares me to think I will be posting this and I must follow through. I have today and tomorrow to finalize my list...hmmm

12/13/08 2nd surgery pathology results

2008-12-13T08:55:00.000-06:00

I was wired from the morphine for a day and then my hydrocodone knocked me loopy and sluggish for a couple of days where i was nauseous and drugged like. I didn't like and dad took me yesterday for my results. I slept all the way there and lost my balance getting off the exam table. As of last night i am trying to just take aleve. whew
i did not get a tube on tues so thanks for the prayers with that...i dreaded it.
i have had some swelling but he said everything is lokking good.
and the best news is that i do not need a thir surgery of mastectomey and reconstructive surgery--thank you for your prayers again
all tissues around this removal area were negative
i see the oncologist next surgery on my date to begin chemo and then my surgeon will do an outpatient procedure to install my port in my chest wall because they said some veins in the arm can get damaged if i do that each session or something

thanks for all of your prayers, emails, and just thinking of me
i'm still a little sluggish but i wanted to tell you that your prayers have truly worked miracles for me
i'm blessed because of you
love
teressa

below...do you really want to know my thoughts????

now i am going to lay around until next thursday and rest peacefully
i'll share this...my life has been crazy and out of control...our whole family has had a lot of things
we make plans and walk daily the way we think we should...work, here, there, work..go, go, go
after i had found my lump and before the tests i got a call at work that Daniels bleeding disorder may be back and this meant possibly another painful treatment for him and hospitalization...i lost it at work...i went to my HR lady and said "God is punishing me" and i cried.
i had held everything in and my blood pressure medicine had been increased to 4 a day.
Daniels numbers got better and he needed no treatment.
Bev has found a new doctor and it's day by day until she gets better.
this past month I have been directed to many unknown places and to familiar neglected places....I am so not in control of anything
proverbs 16:9
A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps.
this morning in a more lucid state i think He brought me through the fire again and relieved me of having no tube and good results yesterday
i think i am in a surrender stage
i watched this video and smiled.....
I'll add a quote from "facing the giants" praise Him when you win and praise Him when you lose"

sorry sometimes i think i write too much

12/9/08 2nd Surgery

2008-12-09T08:54:00.001-06:00

sorry long email

Thanks for asking so I thought I would email because i will be "loopy" after surgery today.
Peggy told me last time I emailed at 2a.m. after my first surgery. That hydrocodone is crazy stuff. I don't remember a lot of things. I guess it's good I have people around me. Who knows..I could get in my car and drive to work...ha
And Melvin said on the way home from the hospital at midnight(they wanted me stay overnite but I said no) we were first to come upon a wreck and i went to jump out(the peoples car was overturned) and he said no ...you stay here. (that was the morphine) They used jaws of life when they got there but everyone was ok later.

Monday with Dr Smith at Graves Gilbert. I was there for 2 hours and we discussed everything. First, I had a lump and 12 lymph nodes removed for testing the last time. 4 out of 12 were positive for cancer. I have the type of breast cancer called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. And estrogen makes my cancer happy. He believes that Dr Daniel can get "clear margins"(tissue around the lump and lymph node area) today and I will not need a third surgery which would mean mastectomy and reconstructive surgery.
I will need chemo first then radiation and hormone therapy together. I don't know how long for each but chemo every other week and radiation daily. It will last through summer and I should be done by fall. I am not at low or high risk but moderate. I will start chemo after recovery from todays surgery...if I don't need a third(+ and pray). I am suppose to ask my surgeon today about a port for my chemo treatments. It's inserted in the chest wall and they will not have to find a vein each time. The chemo gets in the blood stream faster because it is near the heart or something. The port will not be inserted today.

So....I pray that Fridays results will be no more surgery. If I have to then ok but I just don't like the drainage tube.
I'm ok..this is what I have and this is what I have to do. I think it will take 3 wks for my feeling to come back in my arm and I hope to be back at work the first week of January =). And then I will work around my chemo.(hint, hint, Jeremy and Mindy)

Oh, my surgeon is Dr Daniel in BG and he did Nicks surgery in 91 when he was a month old and he removed a fibroid lump for me in 94. He prayed before surgery then and he still does. I am thankful for him too and wanted to share that in case you ever need a surgeon.

I need to be there at 1 today....and I'm ok.
Love to all,
Teressa

12/8/08 A Big Thank You

2008-12-08T08:52:00.001-06:00

Today I am thanking everyone for thinking of me and praying for me throughout the past few weeks. It really means a lot. I've noticed that my emotions change daily and I am sure that is part of the process.
Today I send a big Thank You to you.
I have my coffee and private time every morning and I have a some favorite songs from some favorite singers I watch first to get me going before my "private time". i wanted to share one of them. (I shared this with Aud a long time ago).

So thanks for what you have done for me and my family. The kind words, prayers,...everything.
I'm doing great as I prepare for tomorrow.
Love to all,
Teressa
I share this with you

12/5/08 "Feeling" Better

2008-12-05T08:50:00.000-06:00

I am getting feeling back in my arm from my shoulder to my elbow. But I go Tuesday and have some lymph nodes removed and they will run test on tissue remaining after the removal. I also got to sleep without having my arm propped up and I got to sleep on my belly. yea!!!

Bev is still getting her medicine adjusted and she is now taking some pills during the day including her advil. It's going to take a while. We had a great sister day this week.

Love to all,
Thanks for the prayers, cards and emails....and the angel.
You're amazing.
Teressa

12/02/08 - 1 week before second surgery

2008-12-02T07:49:00.004-06:00

(I copied all previous comments from my email)

Today is the first day I have actually posted any comments. Tara thought doing a blog would be a good idea. I opened this about two weeks ago and could not bring myself to post anything.

It's still hard to believe that I have breast cancer.

I feel fine other than the surgery pains I've had. Some of my numbness from my shoulder to my elbow has gone away. I get tingling sensations I guess from my nerves repairing. And I guess this causes my sharp pains I get sometimes too. I can rest my arm on the desk and type away but to do otherwise and clicking and moving the mouse is different. Sometimes I wish my incision was actually on my breast and I could use my arms freely. I had a fibroid lump in 94 in my right breast and I had no problems afterwards. With this being in my armpit area it has cause some difficulties. I can't let my arm hang like the other because it hurts. I sleep with my arm on a pillow. I can't unscrew things, pick up heavy things, and push or pull hard.

And try wiping with the opposite hand =).

I'm really okay. I know in a week I will be back to all of the numbness and hydrocodone again. But I can do it.... as I did the first time.

11/29/08 Gettin' Out

2008-11-29T08:43:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. We did.
Me and the kids did some shopping yesterday afternoon. Nick drove me, Tara, and Daniel around and even to BG. He was so sweet taking charge, offering to open doors for me and carrying my bags..which they all offered. It was a very nice time with the kids. I couldn't have asked for a better shopping day. I have a little over a week to squeeze in as much as I can before my next surgery and begin treatments. I see my oncologist for the first time on the 8th.
Last week I was a little down because when I got my tube out, he said depending on my next pathology results from my upcoming surgery, I may need another surgery and possibly some reconstructive surgery. I pray that this next surgery and the treatments will be enough.
My incision is a little sore and uncomfortable and my arm isn't at full strength so I try not to use it. Well, I can't unscrew things, reach high, pick up heavy things...etc. But other than that I really feel fine and I am ready to fight.

I heard from Kathy.
She is having an outpatient biopsy. The one that they do with mammography. It will probably be the same day as my next surgery on the 9th.
the following is what she wrote...he said there was a small cluster and that it is contained, not into any surrounding tissue and 80% of the time they are NOT cancerous but needs to do the biopsy.
I pray it is not cancerous and she does not need surgery.

I spoke to Bev this morning and of course she continues to struggle with speaking and other things related. I pray her medicine gets adjusted quickly so she can get some rest and be without any pain.

Thanks for all of the emails, cards, and especially the prayers.
Have a blessed week.
I am really blessed.
And if you have never seen Facing the Giants, I encourage you to watch this with your family.
Thanks Tara and Grant for the movie. I love you and I can not wait for Fireproof.
We all have Giants in our lives.
Don't quit until you've got nothing left.
Do your very best every day.
Love,
Teressa

11/26/08 Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T08:40:00.000-06:00

Beverly had her MRI yesterday and we saw her new neurologist afterwards. Her MRI was good. He doesn't think she will need anymore tests. He still doesn't think she has distonia. He doesn't think she has an eye disease.
He continues to believe her pain around her eyes, neck and shoulders is due to her neck muscles. He told her where she was having the pain and he pushed on those areas and said all of that is related to your neck. He thinks he can fix her with medications. Because she has not had any deep sleep in months..probably a year. He has given her a couple of medications to help make her drowsy so she can sleep good and not wake up with pain. She is suppose to check in with him so he can make adjustments to the medications to help them work for her. And he said to not go back to the other neurologist in Louisville because the botox he gave her was not needed. The other gave her 31 shots of botox around her eyes, face, and neck. She can not now control any of those muscles because they are paralyzed. She can't even swallow good. It will take several months for that to go way. She will never see Dr. Olson in Louisville again.
She took 2 pills last night and woke up without pain this morning. She will struggle to talk, not bite herself in her mouth, and move her neck around until this botox wears off. Which means, botox is permanent and he said it goes away when nerves rebuild themselves and move around(grow around) the injected area.

Please pray that this does not take several months. Also, that she will get much needed deep sleep so her neck muscles can rest and repair.

I get my tube out today...woohoo! My incision area is still sore and I am taking Aleve for now. Next week I go for pre-op and bloodwork for my lymph node surgery on the 9th.

Thanks for everything...I am blessed. And today is Tara's birthday! Her first birthday as a mother.

Have a great Thanksgiving!
Love to all,

11/26/08 Happy Thanksgiving from Rita

2008-11-26T08:24:00.002-06:00

(My dear friend Rita emailed this and a few other pix. I thought this one was fitting. She also came to my house and made a large pot of homemade chicken soup..which my husband loved. She's a sweetie.)

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

11/23/08 - Neighbors

2008-11-23T09:47:00.002-06:00

I love my neighbors.
My sister-in-law(Peggy) and mother-in-law(Jean).

Jean is always there to cook, clean, wash, anything she can do for me. I don't know where she gets her energy.
We also have had some special talks during this ordeal that I will cherish forever.

Peggy is like a second sister to me. I can call her anytime, about anything, and she will always take time to listen. And she has good advice. =) She also helped me with my incision care and bandaging.

I'm thankful for them both....always

11/21/08 1st surgery - Pathology Results

2008-11-21T08:11:00.002-06:00

(I will need another surgery)

Todays results could have been better but they could have worse too.

I'll try to explain...by what I heard and read on the report.
Intramammary Lymph Nodes - one of two lymph nodes positive for metastatic adenocarcinoma. there are a total of 4 of 12 nodes positive for metastatic mammary carcinoma.

He doesn't think I will need a mastectomy. I will need surgery to remove this lymph node area and he believes he can clear margins around the area. I will need chemo added to the radiation of course. It is stage 3 because of the lymph nodes.

I get my drainage tube taken out next wednesday. On Dec 9th I have my surgery and then I begin treatments with my team of doctors for oncology, nuclear medicine, etc.

I feel fine other than the loopiness from hydrocodone. I could not wait to get home and let my incision get some air. It had rubbed against some clothing and caused some burning but that's all I have felt.

Tara and Bev went with me and it was hard for them but they were strong around me. After i got in my gown we held hands and recited Tara's bible verse she had found.

I made Bev stay home afterwards because she was having a horrible spasm day. I had Tara go home and spend the rest of the day with Ellie because Tara goes back to school on Monday. We all needed to go home and absorb the information in our own way. I have spoken to them recently and they are some better.

My life is going to be different for a while but again, it could have been worse and I am really blessed to have found this very small "active" cancerous lump when I did. It was already attaching to my nodes. Please check yourselves regularly and make appointments for your exams. Breast cancer does not run in my family. And this was in my arm pit area.

Everything will be ok...I have results and now I have a plan to fight back. I have a lot to fight for.
Thank you for everything and I appreciate your prayers and emails.

Bevs MRI is Tuesday so please pray for her and for Kathy to get good results from her testing.

Email me anytime if you have questions and I will be happy to share my information if you have friends or family with the same situation. And thank you for letting me share my information with you. This is my link to the outside world. I am already feeling cooped up in 88 and it has only been a few days. =)

Love,
Teressa

(Email from Tara)

2008-11-21T01:00:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow (or today actually..it's 1:00am) is the day we find out the test results of my mom's surgery. As I was reading tonight, I just so happened to come across this bible verse and thought it was so fitting for the situation our family is facing right now that I started to cry, and I wanted to share it with you. I believe I found this verse for a reason for sure. It reminds me that even though I have no control over this situation, and have been questioning why this is happening, since she was diagnosed a week ago, that God is still sending me strength and hears my prayers.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction (distress), faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Love,

Tara

Thanks for continuing to pray for my mom!

11/20/08 Sisters caring for each other

2008-11-20T08:06:00.001-06:00

I have a Hemovac/Jackson Pratt tube for drainage I have to empty and measure. Beverly changed my dressings today and applied my ointments and she did a wonderful job=).
Tomorrow at 9:30 I get my results.
Beverly is scheduled for her MRI on Tuesday with her new neurologist and we are excited about going to that and hopefully getting some answers for her.
Continue to pray for us both.
We had a good laugh today as she was trying to tape me back up and applying ointment, while I sat in the bath holding my drainage tube . With her spasms...let's just say I have tape everywhere and ointment all over me....ha
We thought what a pair.
Love to all,
Teressa

11/19/08

2008-11-19T20:10:00.002-06:00

My home health nurse came today and changed my dressings and checked on my drainage tube..whatever that is called and I am doing fine...especially with my hyrocodone..ha...Friday is my big result day and I will email then.

My nurse and I had a lengthy chat today and she just found out about her mammogram.

I had Beverly, Tara, little Ellie, and Nick here when she came to visit. I also had my Mom and Mother-in-law earlier today and Peggy and the boys came later. I also had numerous calls and emails. During our chat she mentioned that I had a wonderful support group and I told her that I was blessed to be mentioned on a many prayer chains. She mentioned that her news was new and she didn't have a large support group at hand and I asked her if I could share her name with my group and she said she would like that very much.
I have copied this email to her and her name is Kathy. Please share her name in your prayer groups and you can send her an email if you wish. She is a wonderful nurse and I also found out she is a hot air balloon balloon pilot.
Thank you for thinking of my new friend.

Kathy you are in my prayers. I'll see you tomorrow and we will keep in touch.

Love to all,
Teressa

11/19/08 After Lumpectomy &Sentinol Biopsy Surgery 1:40a.m.

2008-11-19T01:40:00.001-06:00

Of course, I do not remember typing this. I was a little loopy.

I went in at 1:00pm and got home about 12:30a.m.. It took a little longer than expected. They said I stay the night but I wanted to come home.
He injected some kind of radioactive medicine into my sentinol nodes first and I laid underneath a machine so they could take images for an hour looking for "hot spots". Then later they took me into surgery and put in a blue dye that reacts with the medicine to check for suspicious areas in the nodes. I have a 4 inch incision under my arm pit where they took out a few nodes for further testing. Then I have another area where he took out the tumor and I have a drain taped to me that I have to empty regularly. I have a nurse coming to my house daily to change the dressings. Friday I have an appointment to get my results. Of course we already know the tumor is malignant and i will need radiation. Friday I find out if i need another surgery and chemo. I had a lot of pain afterwards and they gave me some morphine and Demerol. I have hydrocodone to take at home so I am feeling no pain right now =).
I just wanted to let you know that I am ok. It'll be ok and i will take what comes and fight it.
I will go crazy at home and with light duty. I guess I will catch up on some movies.
Let me know what is going on at work so I don't feel left out.
Bev is suppose to have a cat scan of her head and neck area tomorrow. She had a bad day today but stayed with me anyways. What a sis!

Miss you guys and thanks for the emails, calls, and prayers.
Love,
Teressa

11/15/08 Email from Beverly

2008-11-15T18:53:00.000-06:00

Our Friday, MY APPOINTMENT: Well I had a visit with a new neurologist at St. Thomas Hospital (now this was my best day in months so he has saw me at my best ) . Dr. Fallis thinks that I do NOT have Dystonai. I was so in shock. He thinks that I have injured my neck and that has radiated up into my mouth, tongue and jaw muscles. I have awful neck, shoulder and temple pain along with the mouth. I am just getting some speech back. Yes I probably still have blepharospasms (dystonia) in my eyes but He about Died when he heard I've had 31 shots in my face in three month span. He said for #1 The Doctor should KNOW why I need Botox? Testing....none. Never give botox but maybe twice a year. Mine 31 in three. He could not fathom. Anyhow, I was crying by the time we left there in an uplifting way. He said that He Will get me FIXED ! You think "Do I get hopeful AGAIN .... It's kind of scary but... you have to trust that the Lord is working and has found this man to give you answers and help you. So now He has put me on a pain pill and muscle relaxer all in one to take at night. He said to fix the neck muscles they need rest which I get none of. So we have a Ct Scan planned at St Thomas on the 25th. He was such a nice nice man. I never figured that I didn't have this after the neuro in Louisville. I was totally shocked.....then our day continued....

Friday, TERESSA'S APPOINTMENT: Well we went at 3:30 to Teressa's appointment to hear the results of her breast biopsy. As sure as I was that I had dystonia, I was that sure that my sister DID NOT HAVE BREAST CANCER.... BOY WAS MY DAY WRONG. The guilt that FLEW over my body as he gave her the results was tremendous. I thought all the complaining you've done this year. It was so hard for me to hold in my composure (which I did very bravely) . Dr. Daniels told her that yes she does have cancer. They will remove the lump on Tuesday afternoon and another area to check. She will have to undergo radiation and possible chemo since she's premenaposal. Teressa is the STRONGEST LADY THAT I KNOW OR HAVE EVER KNOWN. HER STRENGTH AMAZES ME AND IT WILL YOU ALSO. She has the best attitude for life and me - Well I'm the baby the whimp. I look to her for Strength. So please please remember my baby sis in your prayers and I know that the Lord will deliver her from this disease and that next Thursday she will hear "Yes Teressa We have got it all ".

So yes our day was a whirlwind - It's ups and downs - The unknowns for both of us.... Your prayers have delievered us this far.... Please continue... Love to All , Bev

11/15/08 (Biopsy Results) Email from Me

2008-11-15T18:45:00.005-06:00

(Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

Hey Everyone,

Well, Beverly had an uplifting visit today at St.Thomas and I am soooo happy. Hopefully, this medicine will allow her to sleep and rest the muscles in her neck. He doesn't think she has dystonia and that is wonderful. He said she should tell a difference soon but her eyes still may have something with them and he will know later. Now he is focusing on her neck and facial muscles.

We went to my appt and I officially have breast cancer. I will need radiation too. I have surgery for the lumpectomy Tues and also to remove another suspicious area. He will test those areas removed to tell me what stage and if I need chemo also. I should know by the end of next week.

Thanks for all of your prayers and everything will be ok. We'll take it one step at a time until we both are completely well and then we are going on a "sister vacation". She won't fly though so I get to drive her yukon.

Love to all,
Teressa

11/12/08 Surgeon Consultation

2008-11-12T18:32:00.006-06:00

(appt. 3:30 and got in about 5pm)

I got to have my biopsy in the surgeons office tonight. He did it while watching that ultrasound/mammo something machine. Melvin got to watch. He did good while they gave shots to numb, and then the cut, and after that I noticed he wasn't standing where he was. I looked around and he was sitting with beads of sweat on his face...ha
Afterwards, we went to Red Lobster for a nice dinner and I wanted a coconut coloda
Anyhoo, I'm bandaged like a mummy and feeling pretty good.
He said it may be cancer and I will know late Fri afternoon.
It's that spiculated mass and irregular margins description...ha
I'm really ok and we will just cut it out. He said I did good by finding it.
OK women...feel your breast in shower. It does a body good.
=)
I'll add and Beverly sees a new neurologist on Friday...woohoo!

11/6/08 Exam Results(Mammogram & Ultrasound)

2008-11-06T18:27:00.001-06:00

Hey Everyone,
I picked up my results from today...

I had mammogram:
1) Moderatley dense ductal tissue
2) 1.1 cm spiculated mass on the superior aspect of the right breast - suspicious of primary breast carcinoma - recommend right breast ultrasound

I had ultrasound:
1) 9 X 11 mm irregular nodule, slightly hyperechoic, at the 10 o'clock position in the region of mammographic palpable abnormality - suspicious of primary breast carcinoma - recommend biopsy.
2) Probable 8 - 9 mm lymph node adjacent to the irregular nodule.

I had Chest X-ray:
A ok

I found on the net re: irregular-
If the margins are smooth and the mass is round or oval, it is most likely benign (not cancer). If the edges are irregular, then it is possibly cancer and a biopsy is necessary to determine if cancer cells are present.
Also, re: spiculated mass-
It is true that a spiculated margin is of more concern than smooth margins.
I read about carcinoma.
I don't think I want to search the net anymore....ha

I just wanted you to know I am ok and I will deal with whatever comes. God always thinks I can handle more.
I'm a strong person.
I go to see the surgeon Wednesday.

Love ya'll

10/29/08 Doc Visit

2008-10-29T18:20:00.002-05:00

Email to my HR person at work.

She said it wasn't a good spot for lump.
Then she said it didn't feel good....hmmm
Then she scheduled my ultrasound and mammogram for 7am next Thurs and that was the earliest available.
She asked if I wanted to be called with good or bad news or just make an appt to come back and I said call.
Is it ok if I come in afterwards?
My blood pressure was 160 over 100 and I told her it has been up for a couple of weeks and I have already doubled my pills and she said to take 4 a day.

"The Shower Scene"

2008-10-16T22:26:00.002-05:00

There is a time and place for everything.

Time: Mid October
Place: The Shower

Lathering the pits for a shave.
When I feel this lump in my right arm pit. I finished my shower and asked my husband to look at both of my arm pits. To see if he notices a difference and he agreed...there was a lump.
I thought it has to be another fibroid lump as in 94.

So I made my appointment for a day I was off work because we were extremely busy.